The Subject is Funny | Vampire Limericks

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Vampire Limericks

By Scott Harker

I. Not Necessarily in That Order

The subtle art of seduction
Is the vampire's means of induction,
To become the undead
You are taken to bed,
For orgasms, death and some suction.

II. Tonight's Meal

Look deep in my eyes and see
Is eternity waiting for thee?
You think I'm your lover,
But soon you'll discover,
You're just a quick snack for me.

III. For My Ophthalmologist

Leaving the room up ahead is Count Dracula
Who resembles the actor Scott Bacula
Now because of the sun,
He so speedily runs,
He will not register onto your macula.

IV. I'm Jewish

So you thought you would get my blood,
With a nick of my vein it would flood
Down your throat it would rush,
But now what is this mush?
From a Golem you only get mud!

V. It's All In The Neck

We are known as the beings of the night,
And no mirrors can capture our sight,
Our elongated fangs
Piercing a vein, that brings,
Eternal life if the bite is just right!

VI. Where Shall We Eat Tonight?

Vampires feed on the multitude
At the malls, shops and bars for their fortitude,
The occasional blind date,
And rock concerts are great,
And Blood Banks are first rate for fast food!

Court Cartoon

OTHER LIMERICKS

I. A Dirty Limerick

There once was a laddy named Hurdy
Who often fell down and got dirty,
His mommy would laugh
And give him a bath,
I can't help what your mind thinks is dirty!

II. Murderverse - A Husband's Excuse

There once was a husband named Pullet
Whose therapist told him to "Cool it!"
But in a domestic strife,
He shot up his wife,
Then told cops, "They were only love bullets!"